i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
