his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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