I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
