So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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