guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He? As in you personified your dick?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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