I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize