the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
