If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
