I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
