OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
