it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
