Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
