She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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