Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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