My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
