I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
