I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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