Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
