I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
