my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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