I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
