You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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