haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
