Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
