Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't deserve a penis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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