My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
