Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish you could order shots online.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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