____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
