dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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