I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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