Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
