This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
