I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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