I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
