I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
