This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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