i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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