you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
