Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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