Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
