I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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