So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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