I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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