Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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