you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
