hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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