can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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