you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize