very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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