I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
