When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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