Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
