I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
