Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My bed smells like the plague
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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