You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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