it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then he peed in my hair
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