Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
