I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
