Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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