new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize