I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
