whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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