Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
