when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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