Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
