Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Someone shit on the floor
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
