saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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