STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
