I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
