So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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